By Dave Markwell

  1. Who matters most?
  2. What matters most?
  3. What keeps you awake at night?
  4. What brings you joy in the daytime?
  5. What is left unsaid?
  6. What is left undone?

I stumbled across these questions while reading an article written by a “death doula”. These are questions she asks folks facing their own end of life. They’re good questions. Probably worthy of not waiting until our final days to ask. I encourage this exercise.

A dear friend is recovering from one of life’s sneak attacks. She encountered a surprise health issue, a serious one. She’s doing ok, but not the same. She may heal back to 100 percent, but these experiences change us. This one changed me. It reminded me of the delicate nature of things. And how quickly our worlds can flip over, upsetting everything we once counted on as stable and sure. This is an uncomfortable truth. But, a good one to hold close. 

We tend to avoid confronting the temporary nature of our lives. We don’t make eye contact and plug our ears to the inevitable fact of last days. These thoughts don’t make us feel good so we stuff them into a box that we don’t open until we have to. We don’t know when these days will show up or the form they take. We don’t control many of these things. We do, however, have some say-so in our regular days and how we live them, which probably helps make the certain hard days less hard and less uncertain. And we can craft better questions to help guide us and get more clear. That’s why I like the above questions. They form a nice framework from which to build…or demolish from. Both might be necessary to live right.

I’ve found myself adding more by subtraction these days. Knowing what to eliminate is important, probably more important than collecting more things we don’t need and that don’t serve us well. Life is really not so complicated. Our needs aren’t so vast or far away. They’re usually pretty close and simple. We just need to see them or be reminded of them and not become so distracted by the shiny, but shallow, or the sad pull of fear. Being honest and clear makes things much easier and nicer.  

While grilling chicken in my quiet house after work, I heard my front door open. I was a bit puzzled. I wasn’t expecting anyone. I walked around the corner to investigate. Standing in the doorway was my daughter. She smiled and I smiled. Apparently, my house was a convenient pit stop away from the clogged roads of her commute home. So, she popped by. We visited for a few short minutes before she carried on with her journey. As she closed my front door behind her, I was sure I had a clear answer to “who” matters most. Many questions can be hard to answer or hold inadequate answers, but this one was clear. And it’s nice to have a clear answer once in a while.

Dave Markwell is a life-long Des Moines liver and lover. Former owner of Waterland CrossFit and the Waterland Arcade, Dave uses his unique story-telling voice to help small businesses tell a better story, and his love for people to help folks live bigger and better lives. For more info, check out his website: wordsbydave.net